-a mama, munchkin and mutt mystery
Just in case you think it’s all shits and giggles over here right now….
For some reason Godzilla baby is having bladder/bowel control issues. I’m not sure if it has to do with PTSD from the toilet saga and he’s terrified, or if it’s because he’s missing dada and his evening routine is off. It could even be that he is trying to get himself backed up again in an attempt to get back to the ER and hand out his final rose to his favorite bachelorette. Either way, he’s been having trouble making it to the toilet in time before the “poop sneaks out”. In an attempt to mitigate the damage (and grossness) I’ve been asking him more frequently if he has to go. Usually I get the answer, “da poop still seeping”. Not quite sure how one goes about “waking” poop up but okay.
We were all overdue for a bath (again). I get the assembly line started; wash Boo up, rinse her off, get her out. Ask Godzilla if the poop is up yet, “no it’s still seeping”. I jump in. And as soon as I’m soaking wet and have shampoo in my hair, I hear, “MAMA, GODZILLA POOPED HIS PANTS!!!”
“What do you mean he pooped his pants? Are we talking about a stinky fart or actual poop?”
“He POOPED!”
Ugh. Why me?! Okay well I stink so I definitely need to finish this shower. Priorities.
“Godzilla, stand still. Do NOT move!!”
Quickest shower of my life and I’m out. Start frantically toweling off, only to see Godzilla casually exit his room in a new pair of pants.
“Where are your poopy pants?”
“I changed them”
“I see that, bring them here please”. He oh-so-kindly brings me the soiled pants/underpants combo. The only problem is we are missing one thing.
“Ummm where’s the poop?” Please dear Lord, tell me it was just a fart, although the stain in the underpants would indicate otherwise.
*big wide surprised blue eyes* “I don’t know, it dispeared. Woah.”
Kid as much as I wish I had magical powers I doubt it. Try again.
“Mystery?”
Don’t you worry gang. Scooby- Doo is on the case! He must have been looking for redemption after his last mystery mishap. No sooner does Godzilla say the word “mystery” and I see Scooby out of the corner of my eye go into his room.
It takes one second too long before I realize what is about to inevitably happen. I scramble on the wet tile and out of the bathroom too late. Scooby is exiting the bedroom at a rapid clip and heading to my room. I do a quick scan of the contaminated zone, fervently praying that it was just too stinky for even the dog. No sighting.
I run into my room and see Scooby with something in his mouth. Now I have two options-
- Wrestle the poop out of his mouth. This means I’ll have to pry his mouth open and rip the poop out. Gag. Then I’d still have to clean it up.
- Let him enjoy his Scooby-snack and pretend like it never happened.
Any guesses which option I chose?
Mystery? What mystery?
In conclusion friends; it’s not always “shits and giggles” around here. More often than not it’s just “shits”.